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  Theology of Hope and Healing From A Bisexual Transman with Depression and Anxiety Introduction There’s a questionnaire that I answer often. It’s called a safety plan. The full gist of this questionnaire is that it will be used in case I have suicidal ideations or express suicidal behavior. There are two questions that stunt my progress. “Why do you value your life?” and “what brings you hope?”. I don’t know. I’m discerning if I’m looking for a theology of hope or a theology of healing. Formed in the Presbyterian tradition the answers are easy. I have hope in the resurrection and the life ever after. I value my life because God, creator, father, beginner knitted me in my mother’s womb and knew me by name. Fairly rehearsed. There’s something missing, a bridge from theology on paper to my lived experiences. My first quiz in Seminary was to rehearse John Calvin’s definition of faith which included the words “a firm and certain knowledge…both revealed to our minds and sealed upon our ...

Where is God?


Technically, there are five more months left in this year. At the rate the US is going, things are looking very uncertain for a lot of people. I especially feel this as the news in my feed today made me sick to my stomach. If you know a little bit about American history, you’ll know that the area was not empty when settlers came. The Americas as a whole have a rich heritage of explorers from the other continents that range from about 60,000 years ago till today.

The biggest thing I have on my mind is this migration of peoples into the landmass of our continent. Some of the people were undoubtedly first. The native peoples of this country were brown like me. But more importantly, they bled like all of us. Ashamedly, they were broken and dehumanized for the ideals of colonist countries such as Britain and Spain. But where was God in the middle of it? Where is God now?

Amy-Jill Levine in her book The Misunderstood Jew speaks a little bit about why Jesus is not recognized as the messiah. Mostly, because no “messianic age” ever occurred. This messianic age did not occur for the native populations of the Americas or the lost civilizations of African peoples that were dehumanized to build the United States.

I’m a Christian? I asked that of myself a lot during my first year in seminary. I’ve always had the opinion that a lot of Christians were not like Christ. And somehow, someway, God decided I would believe in God. But, I never believed in the inhumanity and disproportionate ways that we treat each other. The way that we run around buying products that are made by slavery and inequality. It’s really hard to be that person and be a Christian. It’s really hard to look for the best deal on clothes knowing that to get one the person who made your clothes is working in poverty.



So where is God? I filled out an answer a while back to this question. It sits on my desk: “God is in all of creation.” And so I’m wondering today, if God is in all creation, then why do we treat our God so poorly? Perhaps Christians do not believe that God is in all creation or that all humanity are created beings. Perhaps, Christians do not believe that all humans are created in God’s image? I don’t believe that, but just because I don’t doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. It doesn’t mean that there are people out there who do not value other people’s lives at all.

However, if God is love then that means love for everyone. Love for people of every kind. Love for both sides. Love for your neighbor regardless of heritage. Love for yourself. Love for your God. Treat everyone right, but most especially treat your God right.

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