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  Theology of Hope and Healing From A Bisexual Transman with Depression and Anxiety Introduction There’s a questionnaire that I answer often. It’s called a safety plan. The full gist of this questionnaire is that it will be used in case I have suicidal ideations or express suicidal behavior. There are two questions that stunt my progress. “Why do you value your life?” and “what brings you hope?”. I don’t know. I’m discerning if I’m looking for a theology of hope or a theology of healing. Formed in the Presbyterian tradition the answers are easy. I have hope in the resurrection and the life ever after. I value my life because God, creator, father, beginner knitted me in my mother’s womb and knew me by name. Fairly rehearsed. There’s something missing, a bridge from theology on paper to my lived experiences. My first quiz in Seminary was to rehearse John Calvin’s definition of faith which included the words “a firm and certain knowledge…both revealed to our minds and sealed upon our ...
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When the rubber meets the road.

"IMG0002" by National Forests in Florida is licensed under CC PDM 1.0 
Technically speaking, this Friday (03/20/20) will be the eighth day that my “self-quarantine” began. I do not believe my room has ever been this clean. I just bought some new storage bins to keep my pantry in order. Ideally, I’d buy a whole lot more storage bins. But let me be honest, I am using my Spring Break to occupy my mind with things other than grad school. The biggest assignment of my life is coming up. I know, that is very dramatic. All of my assignments in seminary have been the biggest assignments of my life. I am just very dedicated to my passion and calling to be a minister.
The assignment is the first “practice” of a Lord’s Day, or Sunday Worship Service.I have to memorize four spoken components of worship and record myself for my classmates AND professor. I am very nervous about it. The last three months tried my faith. I am scrubbing and wringing the biblical text to explore things that question essential doctrine to the church.

Perhaps my endless questioning and searching will be my demise. I know my humor can be my demise, I apologize to all those that think it is. But apologies do not mean anything if they are not followed by actions. Moving forward I am going to practice more of my calling. I am going to start practicing for my assignment. I am going to blog a little bit more. There is more to this world than the road we walk on. Perhaps you can join me and find your own adventures?

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